Not goodbye, not really
by thesilversun
Summary: As the Rift tears itself apart Jack and Ianto say goodbye, but is it really goodbye? JackIanto. Written before series one finale aired and is now AU.
1. Chapter 1

Here I am, held so close against him, his lips warm and soft on my own, his hand caressing the side of my face. I pull him closer to me, our bodies moulded against one another.

I don't want this kiss to end, because when it does he will be going out to face what's coming, that nameless horror that has had him starting at shadows for days.

I know deep down that when he leaves he will never be coming back, that this kiss is goodbye. He doesn't expect to live through this, whatever he says.

Tears are stinging my eyes, rolling down to run over both our faces and into our mouths.

Jack pulls back from the kiss as he tastes them.

"Ianto." His voice is sad as he brushes away the tears with his thumb.

All it does is make the tears flow harder than before. I don't think I can survive going through this again, the emptiness, the grief and the loss. I feel broken inside already and he isn't even gone yet.

"Don't cry." He moves to hold my face in his hands.

"I can't lose you. I can't bury…" My voice fails me and I think that I may just fall down if he doesn't keep holding me.

"You won't." He's kissing away my tears. "I'm not leaving you." He breaks the stream of kisses to give me one of his amazing smiles, but all I can think is how dark my life will be when I shall never to see that smile again.

"What Jack Harkness wants Jack Harkness gets, and right now what he wants is an incredibly hot young Welshman called Ianto Jones, and nothing, not even the Rift is going to stop him."

I want to believe him, to believe in the impossible, but if life has taught me anything it's that good things never last and that fate seems to have decided that I don't get a chance at happiness.

I know that I have started to shake and I can see the concern in Jack's eyes as he almost has to carry me over to the small sofa, helping me sit before I fall down.

Crouching in front of me he covers my hands with his own, "This is not goodbye." He sounds so certain and I wish that I could believe him.

An alarm sounds from somewhere deep in the Hub, loud and shrill telling us that our time together is over. He gives my hands a final reassuring squeeze and then he is gone, coat flapping behind him as he runs down the steps and out of my life.

I can't speak, my throat too choked with tears. I know that could follow him, but there is nothing that I can do and I can't bear to watch another lover die.


	2. Chapter 2

I am still curled on the sofa when I feel somebody shaking my shoulder, looking up I see Gwen's tear stained face.

For a moment I can't speak, can't think, although somehow I manage to sit up and try to unwrinkle my suit. Like that matters now, like anything matters.

"He's gone. The Rift it…" Her voice is barely above a whisper, distraught and incredulous, like she can't believe what she has seen.

I don't need to ask her who is gone though, I know.

She's still speaking to me, but I can't make out the words, everything is numb, I can't feel anything. I know I should feel something.

"I've got to get out of here." Gwen is almost sobbing now and I think that I should really say something to her, try to comfort her, but I can think of nothing that will make things better, there is nothing anybody can say that will make it better.

Then she is gone as well, running, stumbling down the steps that Jack so recently walked down.

The Hub is silent now, but for the slow hum of the electrics, even Myfanwy is quiet. I don't know where Owen and Tosh are, safe I hope.

I lie back down. I can't find it in myself to leave, not yet.

I wake, although I didn't realise that I had slept, to the sound of an alarm, insistent yet muffled, from somewhere within the Hub.

The lights are flickering and the computers are going crazy showing an energy spike in the basement.

I know what it is, and I can feel bitter laughter bubbling up inside me.

It's the Rift. I've lost Jack and it was all for nothing. It's achieved nothing, made no difference, because whatever it is, it's still coming.

I am surprised how calm I feel as I go down to the weapon locker, take a gun and head for where the rift is opening. Perhaps it is because there is nothing left for me to lose.

What a mess, is my first thought as I open the basement door, the floor is cracked, and water is seeping in from broken service pipes to form a pool in the centre of the room.

Electricity or something very much like it crackles across the surface of the water. So this is what the Rift looks like when it is open, when it is about to let something unwanted in to our world.

The air above the water seems to waver, and I am reminded of how heat reflects off metal or roads in hot weather.

Something is moving in the shimmering air, but I can't make it out, it is like a mirage, yet there is something familiar about it and I lower my gun. Hope, however irrational, starts to creep in.

Nobody who has gone into the Rift has ever come back, I know I've read the files, but if anybody could, it would be Jack.

I stare into the crackling, arcing light. Nothing is in focus, but I'm sure it's him. It has to be him. He said he would come back, and Jack doesn't lie to me, not about the things that matter.

The Rift faltering, struggling to stay open now and I look around frantically for something, anything that might help keep it open, to bring Jack home.

Electricity is the only thing I can think of, it is was what Torchwood one used to open the other Rift, the one that … I shake my head, I can't go there right now, not and be of use to anyone.

There are cables fastened to the walls, part of the power system I put in place for… I squeeze my eyes closed for a moment. I can't go there either. There are too many memories down here, why couldn't it have been somewhere else? anywhere else.

Grabbing one of the cables I wrench it loose from the wall, sparks scattering from the ragged wires that now protrude from where it has snapped from its connector.

Water and high voltage electricity – never a good mix, but I can't not do this, or at least not try to do this. Where love is concerned I have always had a staggering lack of rational thought or judgment.

Holding the cable up as high as I can, I step in to the water. It is knee deep and icy cold, but I can reach the rift now, reach out and touch it. If it wasn't so terrifying it might actually be beautiful.

I know I am breathing too fast, my heart hammering almost painfully quick.

This better be you Jack. I close my eyes and push the cable in to the rift.

There is a sound like a bomb going off, a concussive blast, and I am dimly aware that the force of it has lifted me off my feet, hurling me back against the wall.

I open my eyes with a groan. I ache all over, my head and hands are throbbing and it's an effort to pull myself to my feet, even using the wall for support.

The room is darker than before, most of the lights probably having fused with the explosion.

The crackle and ozone smell of the rift is gone too. I blink, trying focus, everything seems to spin, images doubled, overlapping, but I can still make out a figure kneeling in the water.

I could laugh, cry, shout for joy, because I know who it is.

Staggering across to the pool I drop to my knees in the water beside him.

He looks tired, soaking wet and a little bloody, but he smiles at me and I know that he's still the same old Jack, that despite everything, it's all going to be ok.

"Miss me?" His voice is teasing, sexy in a way that only Jack is.

I can't speak, my throat too tight with too many emotions, so I wrap my arms around him, burying my head against his shoulder.

"Come on." Jacks arms are around my waist, pulling me up with him as he stands, "Lets get out of here."

He kisses me as we leave the basement. A slow, gentle kiss and he leans his forehead against mine as we stop, and he smiles, "I told you it wasn't goodbye."


End file.
